I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
