is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
