Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
