we have officially lost it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
