this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
