For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
