called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
