How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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