i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
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