note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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