My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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