I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
