Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
