Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
