so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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