Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
