Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
