You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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