Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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