that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
