At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
