if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
