just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
this hospital has no fireball
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
