Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
