no you cant smoke seaweed
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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