I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
