hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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