I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
