yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
