remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
