a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
