I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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