Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
