rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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