Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
