I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
