I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
