I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
