i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
