Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
How's work?
Spinning.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
