Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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