I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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