Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
