My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
