I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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