Already got asked if we're dating
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
high people should be assigned attendants
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
