I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
