paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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