i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
