I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
